Every morning I wake and have a choice to make between three things: 1) research the books I’m writing, 2) write in my blog, or 3) get to work on the “business.” I inevitably choose the “business” 8 times out of 10, choose researching 2 times out of 10, and the blog…obviously not much. I put the “business” in quotes because it’s kind of a nebulous concept. Sometimes that means emails, or listing items online, or paperwork, or phone calls, or planning, or management, or any number of a 100 tasks. Most of the time it doesn’t give me much satisfaction or even feel like real work, unlike the other two activities. And it doesn’t really feel like “business.” More like “tedium.”
So why do I choose it? I don’t know. I honestly don’t know. I am sure, however, that it has to do with us living in the midst of the “business.” There is no escape. It surrounds me day and night. And actually, as I type this I realize I choose it because it’s the shortest route to making money in my mind, but rarely do the tasks I check off actually directly contribute to money-making. Administrative, supportive, constructive, sure, but not immediately lucrative. I have boxes and boxes of lucrative items I could work on, but I choose the tedium. That’s the real conundrum of the “business.”
Anyway. All of that is just to say I’m inwardly ecstatic about our move this week. That’s right, we’re moving a 5 minute drive down the street to a new loft. Just for a few months, and then we’ll move again when it’s time for the business to follow (after its current lease is up). The point is that for the first time in over 10 years, and hopefully forevermore, I am not going to be living in my “business.” It’s a thrilling thought. To actually have a separation in my life so that my attention can more easily focus on one thing at a time…well, I have big expectations.
Ever the pessimistic idealist, though, of course I have my doubts. I say it’s the first time there’s been a separation, but that’s not entirely true. I did have the “business” in a garage behind the house once, and in a garage about 5 miles away another time. I barely ever worked, and racked up tons of credit card debt. Of course, those garages were dark, dank spider-pits with interruptions from children and street people. Not exactly the ideal work environments. A far cry from our nice semi-organized digs these days. So I’m not too worried. Just leery of expectations — because positive expectations are always dangerous. More times than not, they lead to disappointment.
I am going to choose to look up, though. I think this will be a very good change. There’s absolutely no reason why it can’t be this time. My life is vastly different now from any other time before. First and foremost, I’m married now (obviously). My wife will be much happier having her home to herself (ourselves). Hopefully, I’ll be more attentive to her and more open to “leisure” (though the latter makes me anxious just thinking about it). Being able to compartmentalize my writing and my “business” in separate locations where there’s no paralyzing choice to make between them should free me up to be more productive in both. Did I also mention that we’re going to try having no internet at home? Only at work. Should prove very interesting, and hopefully give us both a new lease on creativity.
I get so excited thinking about the schedule I envision. Coming over to the office with Heidi first thing in the morning before the employees arrive, answering emails & getting some administrative work done, then leaving. Late morning back at home will be spent writing. Then lunch, nap, and back to writing. Late afternoon after most employees have left it’s back to the office for a couple hours. Then evening will be leisure at home.
The big “what if” still lingering is how and when the bookstore will open and operate. I’m leaving that out of the equation for now, since it’s still in limbo.
Anyway, we’re moving this Thursday. If, for once, life works according to expectation, I’ll soon be getting more blogging done. But whatever changes, at least it will be change. The most stimulating of all situations.